...under that wave of fear is a desire to connect heart-to-heart with true friends – to share love – to be able to see people I know and love them and feel their love in return.That’s the good stuff. That’s the true Holy Grail I seek. Until now, I have found it hard to admit, even to myself, that I want it so bad.

Like a prayer. Yes. It was indeed, just like a prayer. In a studio packed with yoga practitioners, I felt my soul being revealed. In that up-dog during a hot MODO yoga class, a sacred feeling overtook me. The physical stress of that class was intense and uncomfortable. It fit my mood as a man [...]

Inside my new memoir: Drama Club     My “real-mom”: a term used in my childhood that now makes me bristle. Yet, I still have not found a way to respectfully differentiate, with proper dignity, the two women in my life who both married my father (at separate times) and both parented me with highly individualized mentoring styles.     In the chapter "What Happened" of my [...]

Inside my new memoir: Drama Club   During the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, Bart and I attended a ballroom dance camp held on the campus of BYU. In our shared dorm room, my life realigned after our first kiss and I no longer had thoughts of killing myself. "Only two months [...]

Inside my new memoir: Drama Club     In 1982, a 50s theme school dance was embraced whole heartedly by our crew of high school drama kids. Always looking for ways to push the envelope, we did a couple of things off script.     First, Michael Marriott wore a dress. HE WORE A DRESS! I was shocked and confused that his offering was received with sustained enthusiasm. It was triumph over Idaho masculine ideals that taught me [...]

At least we know he's out of immediate danger. Dad is looking and sounding much better.  Or have I just gotten too immersed in the sterile and ill environment of the hospital fugue? Has my objectivity been compromised by sitting in his hospital room with my mom for three days? No. It's true. He's better [...]

Half unpacked.  Woke up at my parent's with only my mom occupying the large property, she on one side of the respectable house she and my father literally built with their own hands, while I was on the other. We came together in the kitchen. She cooked us eggs and bacon as I made small [...]

Dad's been in the hospital for a week now, and even though he wants me to wait, something inside me yesterday said, just go now. As the plane descends into the plains of my native region (Nebraska born, but KC, MO is close enough culturally juxtaposed to WeHo) I'm feeling more happy to go "home" [...]

The huge cake sits forlorn on a conference room table.  The few faithful gather near as the room’s negative space grows heavy with expectation. The clock ticks. Phones are pulled from pockets and digital numbers document reality. The farewell party started ten minutes ago. No one speaks. Until, “At least the weather is good for [...]